Autumn (In the style of G. Stein)

The leaves are changing, the leaves have changed, you changed, or I changed the idea of you, and the leaves have now fully changed and they are dropping to the ground, the leaves have changed and they drop, they drop with out a sound, they drop and leave hardly a trace and they decompose, and rot into the soil. Here we are, here we are, its day 79, it has been to many days, the days keep coming and they keep coming, here we are, they say, here we are, its, been many days, to many days to count, almost to many days to count, I’m still counting the days, my counter is still counting them too, we count together, we count the days we’ve been gone, we count the days that have gone by, we count the days that we have none, that we have been displaced, we count the days since we left, since I left, the days have been, the days continue to be, the days are growing with each days, there is a new day, a new sun rise, and new sun set, there is more distance, from our reality, there is more cold in our morning, there is more chill in the air, each day, every day that goes by, every hour that we spend here, we spend there, we spend anywhere we can spend, we spend more, we have less, but we spend more. There is no more and soon there will be even less, soon there will be a whole mess of days, and hours and spaces, there is a lack of places, a lack of places to stay, lack of places to call home, they could slip away. Time is ticking, and she decides, she rules, she governs my future, its not in my hands, and now I’ve lost control, she decides, she rules, she is the ruler, she rules the rules, it is in her hands, her hands rule and she decides the rules in her hands, and she governs those rules with her hands, as the time ticks as the hours go by, we are still here, we are still here, we are here, waiting, we are there, we are there, we have been there, now we have to go there, or maybe here, and there until she tells us when or what or how, by how much or how many times, how many times he will have to pay. How he will have to pay, or how much, how much payment will he pay, how much payment will she make him, pay, will she make him pay, will she make him pay for my future, will she make him pay for my future, until I can pay for my future. Will my future be paid for by him or will we continue to be here, or there, will we continue to continue, will I be continuing my stay here, will I continue my stay there or here, because this is not the way I want to live, I want to live, I want to live, I want to live another way, my way, my old way, my old place, my old street, I like my old street, I like my old house, my old home, I wish I had my old home, I wish I had a home I wish home was a house I lived in, I wish home was something I could feel in my heart, I wish I had home with him, I wish my home with him would have worked, I wish my love would have worked, I wish I could have had a love that loved me I wish I could have loved, and loved myself, and loved someone who loved me. I love me and I need to remember to love me and myself and my child even if we have no home, even if we have no home, even if we don’t have our own home, even if we live here and there, if we live here, if we live in there the here is in there and there is here, where ever here is, so do I need to wait for her, for she whom can change my life, for she I wait to hear, to hear if I will have a home, a roof a roof of a home, the kind of home that is a shelter, the shelter of your home and of your life. I don’t have a life, and we need our life, we want our life, and our shelter back, we want our home, our place to live we don’t want to wait for her, I am tired of waiting, and now I must wait again, longer, and even longer, I must wait until the end, the end of the weekend, the end of the day, the end of the week, fuck maybe the month, I don’t want to wait for her any more, I’m done waiting, I’m done waiting, I don’t want to wait any more for my home. I had a home, and I had a home, it was a lovely home, my home was lovely and its gone, its gone because of love, because of love, because of love, because of the lack of love, because we loved to love, because love is not always love, because love is a love of love. Love is not love. Love is lust and lust is what makes us move, makes us move, I moved, I moved and now I live here, now I live here and there, now I’m living here and there. Now I’m living, just barely living, living here, living here, living here, but not really living here, I’m not really living there or here, we’re just living, just living, just living, waiting here, waiting here, waiting here, waiting, watching the colored leaves drop.