self torture

empty collapsing upon it's self
removing debris that keep
falling into the depths
of depression and infestation
of the mind
if I could only
better manage my time
these among others
are questions on my mind
does this pass
how long will it last
will I still feel this burden of mass
weighing within the walls of my skin
I know this matter
is not the end
its just a state
of connection
a map of my directions
and where my soul
has stained this
existence
we call life
I want to see more of the light
the desire
the infection
this is a love
of my direction
its all I can
fill in my canisters of hope
nothings funny
when you've lost
your ability to cope
your desire
for the same
alone I am
crazy jane
lonely and to blame
exist in this
self pity and shame
a conscious
game to extract
and react
the lame
excuse I need
to sit on my thneed.